Let me ask you something, what does growing up means?

Though I might not have it spot on and though I have much to learn, let me just voice out what is it I have learnt so far. Not many people know much about the life I had before I had the chance to experience youth at its purest. Where your life is full of hedonistic fun, just worrying about grades, acceptance, status and the latest fashion of the moment. Even the darkest lessons about love just quite doesn't cut it. Have you experienced being dumped into a dark vortex of nothingness, so far in, it doesn't seem to end? Have you risen from there to stay afloat?

Now, what exactly means growing up? When that happens, suddenly you are not invisible anymore. You got to create a wall between you and the people around you, not including those you love. And then to have the courage to put your needs aside and take on other people's wishes and wellbeing onto yourself. At times, it gets hard and your shoulder gets heavy from the burden you are carrying for them. But in no point in time, should you hate them or yourself because instead of doing that, what you can do is applaud yourself because being selfless takes more strength than being selfish. And taking pride into what you can give back and how you can give the best to yourself takes work too. In no point in time should you let others dictate how you are and how you see the things you see.

People start seeing you and listening to you. But bear in mind that whatever you do now, you have to also bear the consequences. Nobody is looking out for you anymore. Can you have the heart to sacrifice the life you want to lead for someone else? Can you find a way you can get around that? Is there a point of time that everyday seems like a journey and to close your eyes and surrender to sleep seems like escape, almost?

Would there be one day where I get it? And then, this adjustment would stop.

My new year's resolution?

To be sure of myself in whatever I do. To take pride in everything i do, to hold my head high everyday because I survived something you cannot imagine whatever one person had to go through. And while, there are those who are more fortunate than me, I pray that those who aren't would be blessed with enough strength and help for them to open their eyes and remain grateful that they still have that one day to make a change to their life and to someone else. Because I am. I am grateful, God, for giving me that hard knock in life.

Amin