Photobucket
Tuesday, November 29, 2005

i dun know whether to tell you how i really felt or shud i like, just laugh in your face.
OMG, after the many times i ask you to leave me, you are apologizing to me that you want to leave me? and you r telling me not to feel sad? SAD? I am as relieved as an arab who was walking in the dessert for weeks and finally got a sip of water.

Yes, i do like you Narin, i do. But what's this shit about you just want to help me become a better person? You mean, like you? A broke 25 year old who cannot even come to work on time talking to me about responsibilities? i am indisciplined, irresponsible, stupid, blah blah. Ya, sorry you met me at the wrong time. Suddenly, you feel inferior darling? You poor baby.You just cannot handle the fact that i got a job that is the same as yours at such a young age? ( oh yeah got another job, but still hush2.) Paying the same? It must be totally hard on you that you had to fight for it while i just flash my pearly whites and say clever stuff people your calibre cannot even start to comprehend and people could already see my talent?

Stupid quotes you made that just made me burst into unbelievable guffaws:

" i know that the only time you can meet your friends is at night or on your off days, but i want you to only come and meet me or go home after work. i am not asking you to not meet your friends. Then again, why dun you go out with me on your off day?"

"i said: If a relationship dun work and you want to point out people's flaws, you must realise your own flaws.

he said: i agree. Both parties have flaws.

I said: mine is my stubborness, what's yours?

He said: i believe the only flaw i have is waiting for you after work, but i dun find that a flaw."

Those are just two. Many more where they come from.

Yes, i have said this before. I dun believe in two halfs being whole. I believe in two wholes complementing one another. Yes, i agree with what u said.
I have a tiger in me. I can do it on my own. I need advices not orders. So i tink you prefer being the knight to distressed damsels. But that is not me. Go play saviour to someone who needs it.

Narin, dang! If only you knew how long i had this planned.After 5 times begging you to leave, you just realised it now. To me, you are the most dumbest and most childish 25 year old guy i have ever met. i thought there was something beneath the layers of stupidity but nope, there is just the layers, and more layers.

Haiz, good riddance to bad rubbish. Finally. Thank God. I believe someone up there loves me cause i swear if i had to spend another week with him, i'll castrate him. Both dicks. in his crotch and the one that replaces his head.

Can someone just appreciate a girl who knows what she wants?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I simply dun uinderstand where are the days that we will sleep at 3 am and wake up the next 12-13 hours. Now, my and my brother keep on waking up at 8. what makes it worse is that we have this scary habit where if one of us wake up, it is difficult for the other to sleep again. I know.. fucking irritating.

today, he tried so many ways to wake me up. First, i woke to find him shoving the last cigarette in the pack in my face asking me to have some since it is the last one. I mean,. that is so weird cause we both know that we are going to buy it soon anyway. Then i awoke again to find hershey's sundae pie staring at me, calling out to me. That was the point i could not sleep again while it was begging me to savour it. Nice try indeed.

K, today i start work at Fluid bar @ chinatown. When i heard Chinatown, i thought those KTV kinda place. I was crossing my fingers. I was pleasantly suprised. It is like so chic.
And i have more excuse not to see my mother's face. Woohhoo! I am so mean.

I think that Narin is so not the correct guy to debate with. He fights with ego rather than brain.
Oh well.



K,let's talk about this. Let's just get it all out my system despite the backlashing i know will eventually happen.

I am sorry for changing. Yes, there was a point of time that i was beyond incorrigible. i kow you hated me being like that. And you wanted me to change. When i eventually did and only went out with the only one that you know i like, you still said i haven't changed. Yes, credits go to you for waking me up. And i am sorry i slipped up but aren't humans even allowed to? No, instead when people slip up and does not take advices, you leave them alone. Besides, that is friendship, isn't it? No, it isn't.

For now, all i wanna think about are the times we had and shared. And i have never regretted one bit , not even this permanent fight. I have never regretted the people i formed bonds with, the ones that was crammed in a class for two years. The people i would never let go. Call me weak, call me whatever you want. All i know is that, i dun let go of people. Never. Especially you guys.

Stop this high school shit, i am not asking people to take sides. I just dun want to be alienated. Yes, paranoid, call me childish but circumstances have showed that friendship can really end anytime. Shocking. I am not trying to pick a fight. just clearing my thoughts in my own diary.

Yes, i was not the Zulaikha everybody knew for a while, i got sidetracked. I am only human. You went thru that before, and people's judgement is inevitable. but yours? that's sad.
Maybe i am kental or whatever for thinking about this but i just care. too much maybe.
And it sucks that whatever consequences of my wrongdoing in the past is only catching up with me now, when i have changed so much. Well, everyone judge everyone nowadays, right?

And yes, i like Narin. Sorry. But i am not pinning hopes on him. Ever. i just like the guy. Noe, even more so.

Sorry for growing and words just can't touch me much. i am sorry.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Memories in IJC.
Okay, Ee Chin took only my pic.
This was during PE that i was exempted due to a fake MC.shh...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Konon2 Hindustan ah
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
You must always have a goal?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
*snort! Get that sheep off me! Leave my tinky-winky alone!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Yes! It IS new!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I understand how irritating it is. But grit ur teeth and bear with it.
Bwuahaha. Yep. That's all you get within an hour of PE. I mean i was sick!!











My comp. the only solace of my solitude is now gone. The only comfort much like ben n jerry's when you just broke up is now gone due to some hardware problems. Times like this I long to just get a dip in IT. HMPH!

Oh well. Nothing much has been happening.

Wait.

On the contrary, so much has happened. But it is not settled enough when i can tell it all out.

For the first time in my life i entered a cybercafe and it is so noisy with lil kids, shouting ' Nak counterstrike! nak counterstrike!' Oh well.

Hari Raya with the Innovians(cehhhh) was downright fun with mostly walking than visiting. Everybody living on different corners of Singapore. Izyan, you have a bloody nice room.
Kuehs after kuehs, the drink everbody was guessing what it was( Honeydew! *yawn), The whole camouflaging effect with Nurul having the chair that comes with the blue apek. Cracked me up. Started talking about their studies that got me to think again where is it I wanna go. But well, i suffer from short term everything, anger, memory, you name it. So i am going to poly again.

Feel so fucking useless doing nothing. Haiz.

Friday, November 4, 2005

Fuck brown pointed heels.
Fuck it. hurts all five toes.
Usually shoes only hurt one or two but noooooooo
It hurts all five.

Met shyanne, Rishi. Hera and Hari.
Style. Hera Hari.
Oh well. Phone is cut. Seriously.
That sux. Bill is over the top. Must get a job!
~yawn~

Going clubbing tomorrow to celebrate my bro's b'dae.
Perhaps David's coming. It has been eons eversince i have been
face-to-face with that moron. Wohoo.

Went town just now but the mood just was not there.
Sorry i was such a bore.
It's okay. Friday on? conferm with me.

I am so broke. So So broke.
It's okay. my visiting days are far from over.
Which mean ka-ching! more money!! Yeps.
Well. Tomorrow's another day.

I am taking everyday as they come these days as it is seriously the unfolding of a whole new different lifestyle and a whole new life. Sometimes, i can't take it. But i realise i must get used to this as things will only get better from now on. i do miss the days where i can do whatever i like, whenever i like but i realise if that happens, i would only take it and everyone else for granted. Being this way makes me appreciate things more. Like my godmum which i left behind but not at all forgotten. I am still meeting her a lot but still it hurts. When i asked forgiveness and i see tears in her eyes, it hurts. Things have to go on and it is up to me to prove to her that she is not at all forgotten.
I miss the tots so so much but this hari raya shit must end first. Ugh! wait till i get my hands on them.
It has been three days since i have last spoken to Narin, claiming i was just too busy, and today after hearing his voice, i did not feel a thing. Just transported back to the bitter days that i was in. There were good times but hmm... the cons outweigh the pros. The inevitable has to happen.
What is sure is that i am saying sayonara but timing is still not here. Me and Ab is contacting again, he explained his rude and suprising behaviour of shutting up. At least we are friends again but the trust is no longer there of course.

I have much more to worry about now. I dun need no Narin to make me more guilty of not caring about him.

Something is missing. I just cannot put my finger on it. I wonder.....


Hari raya have officially lost its sparks.
Woke up at 9 yest and cleared the shit again in the room.
that room is full of shit. Seriously. things that does not matter.
Documents right up to 1996. wtf.

Then went to aunt's house, my own Tampines house and my sis hse.
I saw my niece just opened her eyes. And it was breathtaking.
I was filled with awe. Totally silent awe.
Went back home and slept.

Today is another day.
Supposedly, this day would also be filled of visiting but instead here i am blogging.
Meeting Shyanne and Rishi with his friends.
Yup.

Get back to you soon..
Bye

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Hey, been bz nowadays.
Won't blog much. Hari Raya is not a frenzy but instead it is a shopping spree and the cleaning for the arrival of the princess in the house.
Been cleaning the house. Damn the dust.
Will post the pics soon of my new room. Chiaoz.