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Friday, January 27, 2006

I know i said that i needed some time to recuperate but my check-up is only tomorrow and there's nothing i can do now except cry and feel sorry for myself so, once again, i am going to toughen up and write about all the things i have had in my life so far that i find so grateful for. This might be overreacting but well, it is how i feel so, stuff it.

*To my godmum for leaving me with wonderful memories of my childhood.

*To my god family for introducing Islam to me.

*For having a godmum who cooks soup for me and stay awake with me when i am ill.

*For allowing me to be an academic elite all the way even w/o me trying.(kinda)

*for having a brother i hold dear to me

*for the blessing of my niece and nephew.

*for the TOTS.

At the top of my head, these are just some of the things. All this stupid suicidal talks and depressed chatter will end once my check up tomorrow at 10.3o ends. The doctor said it will hurt a lil bit. I really hope i dun cry. All i know and all that i am grateful for is the fact that Hani is going to be there. I dun know who else would love me as much as her. The fact that once she heard about it, she burst into tears first and cried with me. Bib too.and sha. Thanks.

I just hope that at this exact moment tomorrow, i would be full of smiles and laugh off all this trauma playing in my head.

My brother came by just now to pass me the cash for the check up. The fact that i asked him for the money, adding that i did not want to answer any questions and he just said ok,made me so touched, i cried all over again. To think that he selflessly gave it to me. All he said was, "u ok or not, idiot?" and i cried again.

Pls ya Allah, please do not punish me for my past. please let me go. please free me.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I don't know why He has so much tests for me in my life. I really do not know what i did wrong to deserve this much of shit.

I feel that no matter how many smiles i flash, how many jokes i crack, how many friends i make, it still cannot hide the sadness in my eyes.

One of my friends met up with me, after one hour later, he asked, " what happened to you? who took Zulaikha away?" i just smiled and looked away. If only i could tell u guys, if only i cud just cry on ur shoulder. If only i cud just throw my tough exterior and break down. Have someone that will hug me and just tell me that it is okay. Everything will be fine.

My life is going to change dramatically. I have a very ominous feeling about this. My father's dying. In a matter of a few months.Then i dun even know how we would get by. Why?
First, He gave me this road, another family, then all at once, mocks me by landing me in my own disgusting family only when a catastrophe is going to happen.

I dun understand. Can't i, for once, just lead a normal 17 year old's life?
i may have an illness as well. checking it out tomorrow.i am so scared. so scared.

Funny how you think you have many friends that will stay by u but when a real problem emerges, only a handful comes in ur mind and out of that handful, only a couple would really help you out.

Zulaikha is taking some time off from blogging to recuperate from this illness.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Taken from Xiaxue's blog:

Question 1:If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate CHe is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response..........

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.Don't judge.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...

My digicam fell and now it doesn't work as in, i can still open the pictures on the comp but cannot take pictures. Shit! now, i have to have it repaired. Fuck.

I need money, a lot of it, like 1000 bucks now. Fuck man, how the fuck am i gonna get that kinda money. k, zulaikha is now, scrimping broke, again. Going fer interviews again tomorrow.

Well, met up shyanne yesterday. Something horrible happened but i do know that this girl has like very strong sense of self so it is HIS loss. It takes a while, sweets.Went to her house, then proceeded to Pastamania, then went K-boxing. Sha was supposed to come along but she fell asleep. Kental.

Well, here are the pics. *sob, cud be the last pics.

PATRICK!!

ISh! Semangat!

She's playing me like a spanish guitar.

Spice up ur life!!

I shud stop drinking beer and swtich to liquor.

Actually got many more but i malas want to rotate cause i am running kinhda late and my stomach is growling fer some McDonald's fries.

Urgh! i am drowning in debt. Got to act poor fer two months. I can do it, i can do it.

"I told everyone that it is easy to do it.

I told everyone i can't wait to leave you.

I get angry when u refuse to listen.

Then, why does my heart jump when it sees u?

Why did my heart break when u asked if i was sure?

Why did streams of tears flow?

Why did i let u see me break?

I know u loved me.

But it for the best.

You wouldn't want to be in my shit life

that i mask from the rest.

Trust me when i say,

I will regret this someday.

Bye, bye,

Warm kisses.

Rauchy lust.

Sweet humour.

Butter prawns.

And lying down in the middle of the road while wrestling.

Didn't know i loved you.

But now i do.

Still, love is a pain.

I dun need that right now.

So goodbye, my lover.

Goodbye, my friend.

Goodbye, Narin."

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Jam n Hop

Went to Tp's open house yesterday.

Actually, just wanted to meet Hani, then Fi called. So we decided to go.

Walked all the way from the marketplace in tamp st11 to TP cause i forgot i had no money and i did not ask my mom. Stoopid siah!

Went to eat KFC after withdrawing some , then headed to TP.

I did not know why but it was so hyper!

Fi keep disappearing.

Hani kept laughing.

Bib kept smiling.

I kept looking at them and guffawing.

K, not exactly. But it was fun.

Bumped into assortments of people.

Hadi, ili, Syaza, Azimah,Q? and god know whoever else.

All in the name of fun.

Hyped

We belong together

After which we slacked at the clubroom.

After that, we decided to pull an all nighter and stay out.Me, hani, bib, nina, nizam(i think), wak, umar and maman.So we sat at the most weirdest and uncomfortable place, interchange. I swear my butt has firmed up due to the many hours.

After many, "picit putih, kluar hitam apa?" and " Binatang apa underwater bleh terbang? Lalat dalam submarine." jokes, we started playing truth and Dare. It was nothing like playing with just the girls or ijal and co, not that fun but it was okay. Licking,running with boxes. Rolling on the floor. Stayed there till like 8.30.

Wak kena dare! wak kena dare! bwuaha..

And best of all, Umar sent me home. nasib tak yah naik bas. Haha..

Well, penat ah, sayonara fer now.

The day where everything screwed up

It has been a long and tiring few days with god knows what kind of situations i landed up into.
k, let's start one by one. Firstly, went to my brother's motorshop at Ah Boy(famous among the bikers) and waited for god knows how long but it was all worth it cause "Momo"( my brother's bike) looked all new and felt so... comfortable.

Some kick- ass bikes open to admiration. Kanina.Fucking nice.Look.

Tat's two Ducattis! in one place! Monsters!

Yup, fucking striking! cud not resist!

Well, then met Hani, Bib and Kamaliah, Hafiz and Syakir at coffeebean. Slacked and talked.

Met Sha. We were supposed to go clubbing, so there we were, chatting about where to go and such, all excited like chipmunks and then the Murphy's law just HAD to take place. I forgot my keys! Which means i had to wake my mum up which mean she would think i have reached home and there is no way i cud even show that i am going out again.

So me and sha went to drink at this cofeeshop at ferst. Started reminiscing abt our schooldays where Han, Sam and everyone else was a part of us. Laughed at the bittersweet memories, took a cab at 3 and headed back to my place. We were still adamant to go club!

Sorry shay, you had to lie under my bed for a good 30 mins but not that you mind! She started sleeping like a baby. But, we still did go to Desire fer awhile and then headed back home.

Ermm.. we were bored and sha wanted ceavage.so..tadaa!

I dun noe why he keep shutting his eye like this.

Me, sha and VJ.

I like this pic! erm.. just me. he looks high.

Nah, he looks like in seventh heaven.

Really.

CAn't believe how we pulled through that night but it was do freaking hillarious. Next time, we plan and we STICK to it!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Please dun laugh

I have never ever been so 'paiseh' in my whole entire life!

K, supposed to meet an old friend in Double O.

I cud enter once and entering O bar was no problem to me.

But on this holy Wednesday, they decided not to let me in!

They did not even try!

And to make it worse, my friends entered before me and me trying to act all good insisted on them continuing while i leave. And they agreed! I mean like, can't they see i was just being polite, like when u invite someone to take the last chicken wing off the plate. It's just courtesy, he would much rather you declined the invitation and do the RIGHT thing. Never thought in my whole 17 years of my life that i would b walking around aimlessly in MS. As i dragged my feet along the stretch of clubs, i spotted a vaguely familiar figure, an eurasian white buddha, outside Phunk bar. I strode up to this man and heaved a sigh of relief when i saw him smile that comforting smile of his. i hugged him and he asked me what happened. i told him and he said

"Have no fear when Dan is here" (corny, i know) but i went inside and saw Ivan,(FLUID's technician) and Andrew, from FLUID but is nw spinning inPhunk.I cursed and swore at my luck while they listened attentively, nodded supportingly and never once laughed at me, not even a snigger. Then they started making fun of the many fat people there were in the club. The navy's in town and word has it that they like their women big. Hoochie-MAMA.

All the fats got Ivan in a very foul mood and even Fat Dan. He's rich so he says whatever he likes wherever he goes and no one would even want to stop it cause the more he talks, the more thirsty he gets and the more he would buy.Well,enough about that.

That was by far, one hell of a ruined night coming back to life.

When am i turning 18?

Bib is, very soon.

Cibai!

Comfidential news

I just got word that FLUID have not been paying their rent for 2 months now and their suppliers are also not piad yet. Better yet, Ivan's pay from Dec is still owing. I really dun understand, they do make money and they have a hell lot of shareholders who fork out thousands fer them. And the question remains,

" Where does all the money go?"

hm.. thank god i am out of there.

OR else they cannot even make me afford cigarretes fer goodness' sake!

Well, Memoirs of a Geisha with the tots is cancelled but the viewing is not cancelled. Still want to watch lah!! Come on man, Dun ya wanna know about the guy with one hand and the bitch, Hatsumomo?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

In tribute of BIB.

Here you go, you want ur pic here, kan? NAH!

And no.. i dun noe what she is doin.

Thanks for coming down all the way to Yishun when i could not go out.

I really dun understand my mum. Feel like screaming out. wait.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

There.

Whew!

Well, i dun wanna talk about that. Hani and me are going to the gym today. It has been so long since i went to the gym with hani. Then, it is the much awaited for, the movie that had us, the tots, drooling with excitement, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA! But bib announced that critics said it is a rip-off. Please make them not true. Please make the critics wrong. Please. Suker Sayuri suker Sayuri.

More moments inFLUID

Now that my digicam is alive and kicking, i will post some pictures that has been a lil more than late. But well, better late than never.
Still @ FLUID.