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Thursday, December 29, 2005

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

Thanks for coming over guys. Sha and Fi. Appreciate it loads.

Glad it is over.Just the remains of some broken glasses. Sorry, there are still some murky waters but dun beat urselves about it. U know what i mean.

Meeting Fi and Sha, (and Anep) made me sigh a breath of relief. And the 'I'm sorry' hug was the best hug of all our fights. Thanks.

Fought with him today. Argh!! i dun know ah!! Is it so hard to just reply? I am really not in the mood for all this shit..

Redirecting.....

Met Bib and Hani just now in Tamp. Went to catch up on stuff. Damn! i miss those kentals. Laughed our cocks off. Supposedly, our pay was supposed to arrive today but the stupid boss did not arrive so it is tomolo. Wohoo....
got plans fer both new year's eve and new years.

I just hope that things dun screw up between ab and my plans. haiz..dificult to say..

Sunday, December 25, 2005

When i look back at what i have been doing this whole month, i can safely say that i have been working all the way. It is not as boring as it sounds.

F&B is one of the lines you can never get bored with. Every day is a new experience.

Wed: Odyssey @ FEZ
Rendevous @ FLUID
BRITPACK party @ FLUID
All at the same time!
this was the worst day i have worked ever!
Singaporeans cannot relax when they hear free floW of everything! 16 beers at one is impossible!

Thurs: Very free!
Talked, ate pizza, smoked and chit chatted the whole day.

Fri: *Glam nite*
The best day i have ever had. Everything flowed and i and Farhan are in charge! We rock, cause everyone had a great time.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

More pictures at "SNAPSHOTS"

Sat: Bhangra nite!
Was so-so.

Sun: MAtt's birthday.
Went home drunk. Bloody bored bartenders!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

This is the point where either my ego talks or just the Zulaikha who slacks under the block with you talks. I prefer the latter.

Sha, i got to tell you something, i have just realised also that i am not as stable in my thinking as i thought i was. One of my main characteristic is contradicting, the characteristic we both share at almost the same frequency. I know that i really should not get mad at you for getting pissed off, now, thinking about it, if you weren't, then i would not call you a true friend.

All this while, i know that the argument was between me and you. Just me and you. But let's just say that this fight between ME and YOU have taught me who are my friends and who are not. Seriously.

Yes, i do admit that the truth is very hard to accept coming from you, and yes, i thought everything was just dandy and i needed a rude awakening. I was mad at you for not waking me up but then i ask myself, if you tried, would i just diminish u even more? U and me, our personality is so so similar, our ego and how we talk when we fight. Trying to say something that means another. I know, u know. Then i decided to just take a holiday from everything. Yes, bib and hani was there. They will always be there like how i will for them. This takes courage for me to admit, yes, i did miss u. a lot. But i would much rather believe otherwise.

"you were a lady of your words." Sometimes, you say things at that point of time but find it difficult to do it. I am certain you have had those moments before. Yes, you made sacrifices, i did too. But you know what, fuck the sacrifices. At the end of the day, it is whether you can look at each other in the eye and say thanks. When i said,'i know what i am doing', i didn't. We had two hands claping, the thing is we could not see the hands properly and missed.

Yes, i am smart. I know that. Thanks. such a pity i did such a thing.

This is seriously what i am feeling right now. Look, i dun know what will happen to whatever remains of this friendship. Between me and you. This crack i made, broke. The saddest blow to my ego is admitting that it was mostly my fault. I was immature in exploiting whatever we shared to others when you could have done more.
I am sorry for my past.
I dun expect anything really when i am saying all this.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Listening to: my stomach churning.

I am delighted, ecstatic, beyond cloud nine or thirteen even.
I feel so contented, my cheeks hurt cause i smile too much.

Suddenly, uncertainties dun intimidate me as much anymore as i would rather just experience it.If anyone's wondering if me and Narin is really off, it had been over a long time ago.
Was reading through all my previous posts. O level's, my breakup with Rajiv, my depressed part of my life, Ab, fights, and i realise that i dun talk about Narin much. That explains it.

Reading back on what Ab and me went through, the personal struggles within ourselves that we had, i really never imagined that this would ever happen. Ever.
And i am really glad it did. Whatever is in the future is not ours to see. So que sara sara...
After a heavy chat with him and finally aknowledging the truth, we got so much closer.
When we fight, it would be put so simply, which is refreshing rather that the mind games that i had with Narin and even Rajiv.

Went to O bar with Ab yesterday with a few of his reservist friends after we fought. At first, things was formal. Then we started to feel like the past again where we would slowdance at the stretch of the road beside SMU. The whole crowd disappeared and it was just me and him for a while. He said that he's scared and i said that too. Life's a thrill.

He said: 'Will you be mine?' *swoons.
I said: 'If u are mine, i dun see the sense of me being another's'

I really dun know what is in store but seriously, i dun care. We might just end tomorrow but till then, i will enjoy today. 'numsaying?

I got a new digicam but i forgot where i put the wire to connect it to the comp. So got to buy it.
Then my blog is going to be so much more..visual.

Did not go to work today.Met Hani and Bib instead at CB. Went to play pool, with the loser's seat that Hani conquered. Lek sua gerl..
Now, got this thing in my stomach that is hurting like hell. * makes a twisted face*.

I feel so motivated to study and work and everything. To FINALLY start on my room.
Anything.

My face will be in nightlife.sg again. For the third time. Woohoo! I feel so Julia Roberts now.
Will post it up,k?

He created a poem fer me...*swoons and drop dead.*

Guess what i found on nightlife.sg? Man, these were the days of one nite stand!
Me and 1 nite stand bouncer, Tyson.
I look shagged. dangs!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

After work yesterday, me, Farhan, Ash, his fiance and some other girl went back home with the transport. Thought of going back straight home but saw a 24 hour McDonald's serving breakfast. What could be better than McDonald's breakfast after work. We just could not stop cracking each other up. Bringing work etiquettes all over the place.
' keep running?' ahakz. Then me and Farhan did not feel like going back so we sat at Chom pang, complaining about work and how the bar is not close just as yet. God knows how many vodka twist shot we bought. Yummy. You know, the cute shots you can see in Cheers? Yep.

Laid down the fact to Narin that i am not his anymore. and neither am i another's. Hard to accept but like bib said, "Just chill".

I miss my friends. I miss all of them. i miss sharifah, zira, ilah, hani, bib, fi, nys, sha,shyanne. haiz.. the list goes on. How i wish...

I think if i am still joining them next month, i will be a part-timer. At least i can have two days off. Then i can have one day to rest and one day to enjoy. I sound so pathetic right about now.
Once again, i am waiting for my pay to get a digicam
*i lost mine!!*
Oh well.. see you soon. Want to get some shut eye.
Zzzz.....

Thursday, December 8, 2005

Glad that all the storm has settled down to a calm sea breeze.

Talked to Narin that i did not want to end on a fucked up note. I dun like that. Leaving things with hostility. So we'll remain friends cause if he is not a boyfriend, he is actually a nice guy to just hang out with. I don't have time for all this bullshit anymore. So if he wants to try, by all means, go ahead, but dun say i did not warn him. i cannot get in a relationship ah.

A big fight happened at work recently and all because of me. The floor and the bar have always not been on good terms before. When the place is busy, everyone tend to get very harried and just want to do their own job properly and when we can't, we get pissed off.
Ash(my floor manager) is fighting for me and my 'kaki for stealing vodka cranberries from the bar'' Farhan's higher pay if i stay with him next month, i am not even sure if i will remain. A lot of attractive job offers. Thank god for contacts.

The fight was due to a heart-to-heart talk with Ash about how i feel. So i told him that i want to quit cause i just cannot click with these two girls called 'bird?' and Aida. So Ash had this meeting with the bar people which is them lah. Cause these bar people have caused many floor staff to quit with their attitude. Somehow the message got conveyed that i wanted to quit because bird shouted at me which is stupid cause nothing of the sort happened. But we got it all sorted out. Then we all went to Living room to just relax our poor feet and drink. After which we went home. All's good at work. A new china girl just started working and they call her porn princess. sial betol. tak baik siak. we are having a chalet next week, can't wait!

My niece naming ceremony is tomorrow. The chosen name is Rashalika. you heard it here first. Fucked up, i can't show her to you guys. Wait ah.

I am really sorry Jay. If you happen to be reading this, i dun want to hurt you but i am not like last time anymore. I dun wish to get into relationship and emotional stuff. i have people i truly love and i dun have time for them and i dun know how i can even think of you. Sorry.

'If i love somebody, they dun need to love me back cause love is selfless and never spiteful"

Sunday, December 4, 2005

Time. 4 words which means something you can never capture. Never relive. Which could also mean doing something you regret that you can never undo. Something that is not on my side.

Working @ FLUID has been tiring. Well, the pay is good so.. a week's pay can surmount to my previous two week's pay. The best thing is that it's concept is a restaurant...so all i do on a regular day is shake legs. groove to the music, get as much drinks as i want, close tha place and fuck off. The disadvantage is that the place could get a lil bit too 'minah'. Actually just one minah that freaking make me wanna pour vodka cranberry on her head. Just got my pay so.. woohoo.. Wait.. i dun even have time to go anywhere to spend it, which is kinda good actually. Except for the festives where the christmas SALES start pouring in and all the clubs come up with weird new themes. (Rouge turns two on dec 17!)

Went to meet jay after werk with murni and all. Went to someone's condo and started swimming. Refreshing. but cold. Oh well. Laughter. Tears. Joy. Sorrow. Everything came out.

What do you do when whatever you do is being scrutinised, like being judged upon. What did i do that will possibly trigger people's attention. I mean i am practically stuck at werk or at home half of the time. I dun understand. But i need to get this straightened out. Fast.

Went to bib's sis wedding too late. Sorry bib.. but at least i made it.. And now i am in Tampines. UGh! i miss my mum.

'I want to be contented. Not succumb to expectations.'