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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

ngmaggie@gmail.com

Money. That is the key word to bring up a child now. Now, the trend is to be copied, k all you mothers and fathers out there. Be it step-mum or mum.

The greatest way to raise a child now is to deprive it of any love that you have. That's right, dun even let it taste a single drop of milk from your breast. Give your child away when it is still red and dun even see it open its eyes to take a look of you. Believe the fortune teller when he says that your child would be a jinx. Then, enjoy your life, or suffer, depending on your life. When the child is in its adolescents and doing well, take credit for her success. After all it did come out of your vagina. Whoever said that having a daughter means that you have to buy for her diapers and give her goodnight kisses. Then when she goes in jc, take complete control of her life. Curse her. Tell every one of her siblings that she is the daughter that does not give you any love in your life but spends all of your money in two years. Hate her face. But always pretend that u care. No, you fool, not care for her, for her certs.But ensure that you keep disrupting her concentrations in her studies. Tell all her other siblings that she is a daughter you wish you never had. Keep telling her that she is a burden to you. That you want to die to run from the family. Your family.
Then brainwash and hurt the person who u gave her to(guardian) that she is a good-for-nothing. Just another JC kid. Push her, hopefully your daughter would die,preferably by slitting her wrists.

That is the key criterias of being good mum. All mums-to-be, take it from me cause i am the best mother in the world.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Exams are like in 2 weeks away and i am so not helping by not going to school today but look at it this way, at least now i am in a library doing my work...Ok, now i am blogging but i am going to do it really soon. Nobody told me that the library does not have microsoft words. What the hell is wrong with this place?

I dunnoe why but i just can't seem to study. Sriously, all through this year, my mind seems to be blocked or something. Those who knows me before this year would know me as someone who have always studied.Like no matter what i do, how much i freak out, i still study and i find joy in it. My worst regret would be that i started out too late and now all i get are dregs of revisions that does not qualify as my foundation of understanding of that certain subject is close to only basic. You cannot settle with basics when your exams are like in 2 farking weeks away.

Which is why i have led myself to this conclusion, i am so going to fail but i have another thought as well, i am not going down with a fight.

I am prepared to fail but i dun think i am prepared to face my parents. But you know what? My parents can go fuck themselves. They hate me. Seriously, whatever i do, it is just not as good as my brother, eventhough i am in a jc and he is dropping out from poly. He is still a son, Blardie
Indians. Sons, sons. Why not just create an attachable dick that would be so inelatic in demand as all the indians and chinese families would be buying it to tranform all their daughters into sons. Stupid people. World is evolving. Women are the new men. Get that in your head.

Whatever. I just hate A Modest Proposal.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Looking at people with pictures turn me off. Feel so jealous. Watch out you visual people. i am like so going to repair my digicam. and going to but the memory card is another thing. Damn, just when i thought i can get 70 bucks by thursday to buy it, Ash, remember the guy from aust?, ya him.. he is supposed to like come next week. i had my entire two weeks fully booked, full with plans but this idiot just had to spoil it all. Well, he did like spend thousands just to come here and meet me. I think i can arrange something.
Stupid guy. Alah..Spoiler..he better spoil me man. Mmm...chivas...ehem...tsk tsk..takleh..
Oh well.
Great news..i got my period!!! woohoo!!! but my back is aching and i had to take leave. Wanted to sleep it away with a hot water bottle snuggled with me but my brother had to call to record a compilation of songs sung by himself.Sweet...i agree but what am i supposed to be? A bloody back-up singer. Someone with abundance of talent being a mere BACKUP SINGER. That is plain absurd. He better pay me. Whatever.
Exam's in two weeks. Fingers crossed. ears open, eyes bulging. Now that just sounds disgusting!k bye

Thursday, September 15, 2005

why are they all jerks? something wrong with me or them?

Today is seriously fucked up. I am in a fucked up mood. I know i deserved it but that does not mean that i should graciously accept it. I mean like, come on, i am finally taking charge of where i am going and you guys just want to push. Push my silence till i can't keep it in no more, then there is really something to be scared about. You dun wanna see me like that.
All you motherfuckers think that you can make a mockery of me is it? Look at it this way, i am absent, i might be lazy bt the marks i am getting is almost equivalent to all of you who go to school everyday and do their homework. You really think you know me, dun ya? Dun be suprised.

If you come up to me waving an a or a b then you come and spit on my face. If not,dun try and make me feel stupid waving a stupid pass at me when you are the ones with the stupid trance-like faces in class all through the year. It just drags your worth down. I am sorry if anyone would feel hurt or 'terasa' when they read this but seriously, i won't say all this if i am not pissed. Take all of what i said as if i was in a fit of anger.

Not that who i am directing it to would be reading my blog of course. Still, screw you motherfuckers!!

Wrong timing to step on my toes now. I realise i am a bit jumpy and grouchy nowadays due to this unsettlement about a certain issue that i hold close to my heart. This fear would grip my heart untill i know for certain that my life would never change and i can continue paving my path the right way. Insya-allah.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Finally, i feel that i have finally gotten out of the worst period of my life where my lifestyle changed so fast and so drastically. i am going to put my life in perspective now. Before that, i just got to tell you, i did not go to school again! know why? cause school ends at eleven and then we have an excursion. WTF? Our school is so fucking disorganized, more so than myself that i just wish i can stroll in the principal's office and do the organizing for her. Seriously. But i am going to go study with syarifah later at 3. Freaking out! This reminds me of o'level where i feel so...unsettled. I am going to do a study time-table, a detailed one and stick to it. promise!

K, let's re-cap on the most fucked up aspects in my life right now.And see if we can rectify the mistakes done.

Relationships.

I duch know what to say. When i finally like somebody, they must always treat me like shit. I wonder why? Karma? Perhaps. Well, what the hell. I don't deny the fact that somebody being there for me sounds tempting. And i would be there for him when he needs me too. I admit i am somebody in love with love too. But that does not mean that i am incapable of loving someone for who he is. One day, he will arrive. If he's riding in a white horse somewhere, tell him to take the plane, it is faster. Well, not anytime soon so okay, perhaps he can take the bus.

Financially.

I waste money too much. Like i cannot save and cannot rest untill i spend every single penny and if i were to use it to buy lasting things, it would not be so bad but instead i splurge on clubbing, cigarettes, pool and food. Things that are just wasteful. I need to save.

Academically.

I want to do well. I swear! But i just dunnoe when i want it. I can prioritise 'cept fer maths but i am just not independent yet in managing my time. i thought i could but everytime i study, i expect and when i fail, i get down in the dumps. Go J2? i will try my very best!

Family.

Sometimes when your elders dun wanna change, you change. No matter who your friends are, your family are your friends God chose for you. The only person i hate though is my mum. That crazy girl.

maybe i can try to improve myself better as a person. and shyanne, your wish on becoming the best in all aspects is the same a s my ambition too. Scary!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

All of you in this blog, do not run away. Try this quiz and see just how you fare. dun be shy. just 3 minutes.

I made a Quiz for you! Take'>http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz_IM.php?quizname=050913020136-778317">Take my Quiz! and then Check'>http://www.quizyourfriends.com/scoreboard.php?quizname=050913020136-778317">Check out the Scoreboard!

I got myself in hot soup again. did not go school. again. So freaking tired.
Wonder why i find it so hard. Then i chanced upon this website that finds the meaning of my name. and it is so accurate it is shocking!

They said:
A deep inner restlessness and discontent with the status quo makes you seek out adventure, excitement, and the unconventional. You thrive on new ideas, change, travel, experimenting with new ways of doing things. Predictability and routine make you feel lifeless and unhappy so you must find a lifestyle that is varied enough to be mentally stimulating and challenging. Independent, freedom-loving, and easily bored, you have trouble making commitments and finishing projects. You often "move on" prematurely, whether in a personal relationship or in your work. You need to develop discipline and perseverance when you have an important goal. You have many talents and need many outlets and avenues for their expression, but try to finish one thing before attempting the next.

Scary! that is so me!I may start believing this shit! I am hooked.Damn you sha!

Listening to: Voices in my head.Scary

I tried. Tried my best to do everything.
I am almost done except for ten more ques for bio. out of 40, mind you.
I tried DRQ but had no idea how to start or continue so i stopped.
Give me a break. It is just Monday.
I think there is this one person in my head who needs a smack in the ass telling me that i am a useless failure. Screw you, whore.
Yup. It was a myth, now it is confirmed.

Zulaikha has lost it.

For now. It is 1 am after all.Coffee dun work.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Guess where the fark am i? In school. Yup, i was on time. Woohoo!

Syarifah is beside me now making those weird noises when she talk to her boyfriend. That..mmm...ahhh..thingy. Like having sex padahal ngah berbual. Started playing with my mouse as if i do not exist, lala sex land.

So, realisation just hit me that my exams are like in three weeks away so i ain't going to complain and would willingly subject myself to staying in school till 6. My absence have caused my lecturers to call my name out loud like everytime. Haiz...

My brother broke up with his girlfriend. I know2, miss i-love-my-brother. But i can't help it! He is my best friend.He is. We even talk about our sex lives. What is it with me and sex today? haiz.

I have biology after this and then GP, and then Maths and then Malay and then Econs. And then me, nys and bib are going to study. I purposely told you all this as i wanted to make sure that you pity my pathetic soul and buy me something to cheer me up. K? Thanks.

I so need to go shopping, not want but need. Like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! Seriously.
Need money.*drool.

This week is so cramped up. I so ain't going clubbing this week not that i want to anyway. I just have to take a mini break from all this crap until my promos end. oklah..not really but i have to at least try. Haiz..Pray fer me k? Going to learn about DNA and how we stay alive now. Bye.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

K fine! i am going to blog again.

I need to vent out my thoughts anyways.

Yesterday was fun.
Shyanne, you are one lucky girl and Rishi, you are one lucky guy.
Clubbed like how we used to. Missed you siah.
Met Ryan there as well but actually that was a minor factor since the whole focus yesterday night was the catching up and the getting to know each other. And to think that the drunkard were the ones that was dancing their asses off. Sha and Jerry. Haiyoh!
Shouting, sreaming, scratching, biting..ok ok..no biting. If anyone was thinking of fighting with sha, you better cut her nails first.
Went Bedok Simpang until Rishi's eyes started drooping. I understand. After carrying Sha up the stairs. Haiz.

I can't believe i have school tomorrow. Suddenly, i have this thinking of actually trying to actually study and even if i fail in the end, i can safely said i tried. Instead of the having the worst feeling in the world, Regret.
K, You go girl.

Libras are not the only ones who can fall in love with love, okay.So can crabs.

I am going to prepare a wishlist so that i can actually aim for something.
Financially, academically, whatever.
I need a digicam and someone lend me the photoshop thingy or how to install it. I am such a dumbass at this kinda thing.
pls.. i'll pay you twenty kisses and a hug if the promotion is still on.Some get it! Fi, Sha, fight for my hugs.

Friday, September 9, 2005

Hey..i feel so lazy to blog already. Think i am going to close down this thingy.

K bye

Monday, September 5, 2005

Some quotes worth pondering over.

For when people try and push you down,
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life,define yourself

For when the going gets tough,
When life hands you lemons ... ask for Tequila and salt!

For when shit happens,
Look it in the eye. Kick it in the ass, and move on

For Thank god for friend's feeling,
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves

Feel good pick up line,
They say sunshine brings happiness but have you ever danced in the rain?Some of my best times were the worst.

And quoted by Ilie,
Never let a man define who u are. U are who YOU are.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Oh my gosh. Why are you such an asshole ab?

Went down to meet him in the middle of the night. Everything went fine. Sat down in a romantic candlelit place with us talking for the first time. Asked me questions , had some answers. But deep inside, i knew, i just knew that it was not going to last. So i reach my conclusion that he is actually schizophrenic. Went back to his place, played taiti with shots, joked laughed. And he still hasn't even kissed me yet. Dunnoe why i said that but anyways.

The next day, he was totally different, totally silent.
Can you imagine? In 3 hours, we talked for like 10 mins and the rest are just silences. That is hell for such a talkative girl like myself.

You guys should know right.

And he still asked me to go clubbing with him next week? you gotta be kidding me. Why not we just go to a mime? And dance but without music since you dun like noise anyway. What an asshole. And i thought he was different. Yep, different all right. CRAZY, that is the word.

He hates life so much, he hates himself and he is going to shoo everyone else from liking him. Give me a break. Haiyah, there i said it. Haiyah!!

Stupid me. Stupid him. Blardie cibai.