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Monday, October 25, 2004

kill this sudden urge to spend man!!

what is it with girls and spending? almost every sane gurl i know has trouble keeping her money at a place where we love, our pockets..instead we decide to succumb to the devil who i have a feeling was also a shopaholic before being banished from earth. well..yesterday had a fruitful day out with my lovely sisters who i have missed so much..now i realise that even if i spend more than 3 days without them i would not have loved life so much man..

well...i know what you are thinking, am i going to be tested on which shop has the greates shoes in o'levels? well..not exactly but a lil exercise helps my brain work.. i think.

well...got a new wishlist.

___ a white plaited skirt__

___a quirky cute lil t-shirt__

___brown mary janes__

____a heart-throbbing brown bag at a faraking good price_

man!!! $$$ anyone? well...i bought shades ya know..have to stop breaking them man! and a witch like shirt which i do not think i am going to use much..sould have bought the bag..whatever..hey..the stoopid clerk just told me that it is compulsory fer me to cum to skool..whatever.. i will..i was going to..serious! there is this shop,'gripz' that has the greatest shoes..shud check it out..okay stop it! o levels is next week..my mother is cooking nasi lemak..yum2..she makes the best nasi lemak..shud try..when is this academic hell going to end..man! i wanna pass! well...bye baby..going to break my fast which i didn't!! bwuhahaha..i love rajiv..sori.slip of the naughty tongue! bwuek!!!

Friday, October 22, 2004

something worth pondering upon

I have something to share..it has been occupying the space in my brain which should have been replaced by maths so i better get over it now k? whew!

okay! let's start this off with a simple yet a very detailed phrase on what i am feelin'.'Zulaikha is officially freaking out'..okay2..let me get a grip of myself.this is not good zulaikha being jumpy at everything that reminds me of school..do you think there is a sickness that sums up this whole feeling..this horrendous epidemic that is infecting the whole school.it seems like i can imagine a big giant piece of paper jumping up at the corner and screamin..'Zulaikha failed! zulaikha failed!'

i tell you do not be suprised if i were to drop dead even before o'levels..maybe at the door...haiz..1...2..3...breathe...okay...i am okay now..there is no need for a therapist k?

do you know..part of the reason i am freaking out is that my life is never going to be the same again..no more am i going to complain about waking up to go to school..and rest in the comfort of knowing that the rest of the class feels the same way..no more of unity when a teacher succeeded getting onto all of our nerves..man! i am so going to miss school...without sec sch would be like having a big black pit in ma heart..stop me before i cry! *sob..okay cool girls dun cry..cool girls..dun cry..okay..phew! whatever..i am freaked out..now i am going to go to sha's crib and study till the dawn.. now that's the real meaning underlying the word freaky!shut up!

hey..

guess what? o'level's like less than one week away! i am so freaking out siak...well..kinda actually...yeah.today he is coming back from his aunt's house and i cannot wait man...judging from the way we talk to each other.. i can really feel that once we get our hands on one another, only then will this longing end...haiz.. what can i say.. i love him and judging from his fierce protectiveness i can safely say he does too... duh!

well...the whole week is a blur. it seems like a whole week of saturdays. what can i say it feels like deja vu over & over again. it is scary..i am so sick and tired of studying man..well..not a good time to start now. i have to continue this burning determination inside me..bleurgh! then i can really stop...man..how i wish i can sniff the air of freedom now..but no..just wait.

well...today i hope i am doing something..mm..going to meet him awhile, then? study? yup! at? library? home? hmm... i dunnoe! whatever it is i am like so going to go out tomorrow man.. with bib to get something for this someone and also for me to get ma hands on some stuffs..just got money and i am like going to splurge..whatever! well..see you later i guess?

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

the hell's finally over man..!

well...today is a day that i thought was the beginning of the end man.. k k..let's start form the beginning of the dae,aitez? first of today i started studying with shatot at under the block untill aroung 3 am..but before that was the part that was historical for me siah..okay, first i met baby with the hope that at least i can spend some time with him lah eh then he kinda just talked to his friend..i mean i dun mind lah but we just fought so i thot common sense would tell him that i wanted to kinda be alone with him but he made plans to go to gab's house to play games. i did not know what to say so i sat one corner away form him and started crying. then i plucked up all my courage to tell him that i wanted to talk to him, so i said okay. i went down and saw that gabriel was also there so i was like UH-OH..dun tell me gab told rajiv what i told him..sure enuff ah..i was so scared.. but we talked it out lah, finally we saw that our relationship was not going to get better if we were to just keep what we feel to ourselves.

After the big talk i went back to aisha to start studying and at 12 i wished her a joyous birthday. we went back to her house and ate 'sahur'. Then we slept. i was feeling so happy then mentally, religiously and emotionally. so we went to simpang bedok to eat. I had to go home early which was kinda good so i could have a heart to heart talk with him alone. He told me that all of this was just a bad spell and it is no use if we wanted to end the whole thing knowing that we feel so strongly about one another.

It amazes me how he can talk so freely about what he feels. and i love that it is not only me trying but he tries to. We decided that we must learn to prioritise and that we must not spend so much time apart as it will eventually make us more distant. he told me that he is back and when he familiarly cuddled me in his arms just now, i almost sighed with relief knowing that the person i knew still existed is back! well...what can i say i am so emotional. Just now when we went to bedok and i met bib and hani i realised how much i missed them. i think i want to be with them more often too. guess what? i got my money..Whoppee! well...all of it goes to my bank and bill..gotta save man. fitot's my motivation for saving..well...that's it! fuck, i missed america's new top model! such an asshole!whatever!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

why

why is it that i just cannot say it...i don't know why but i forgot the feeling of me being with him..it is like a distant memory never to be experienced again...i used to have someone i can just talk..someone to share my thoughts and my dreams...but now...i cannot..and it is all stupid reasons...think about it..you slack with ur friend all day and your gf calls you and you cannot even talk to her because your friend was talking about an interesting topic. and when he feels like saying how much he loves me and he cannot, he gets pissed..think ah...i tell him that i want to manja2 with him and he said mm...he wants to only when he feels like it..then why do i bother huh?

I really hope this feeling will go away..it is like i have gotten used to his absence that i forgot how someone shows affection to me anymore...numb..that is the word..

have you ever felt that someone knows so much about you yet knows nothing at all? sometimes you just wished that people would stop trying to judge whatever you felt as right or wrong..i mean it is my feelings we are talking about...whatever ah...i just wish that i could keep everything within me...because then i do not need to apologize for feeling..i am just human..i shud just shut up and find out what this playstation is all about so i can drown my sorrows with it too..well...whatever i have a life..just now i went to satay club with sha and hani..the food sucks..well...then went to raffles city..i am like so going to go shopping this tuesday..haiz..i have to.. get money tomorrow..tell you bout things soon..muacks..*sigh..

Friday, October 15, 2004

stressed

well..i am really stressed up because my o level's like 2 weeks from now..you know it is something like the soothing silence before a hurricane...i got a 17 for my l1r4 and a 24 for my l1r5...not bad but you see my school's standard sucks..i mean seriously...haiz...well...what do you expect...alah but i will still miss school lah...haiz...you know what actually today i am supposed to go to sentosa with baby and his mates but he stupidly slept at 6.45 becayse he was playing GAMES?! i think this is going to be a strange thing to me forever..a reality that i just dun know how to accept...i understand the madness with soccer and girls but games..u really think that matured guys dun play games..dun bet on it...bwuhahaha...i am going to get money real soon...the fasting month just crept in without me realising it..haiz..and already i did not fast for two days..one because well...it's a girl's thing and another is that i did not wake up and niat? haiz..stoopid siak...on tuesday we are going to break fast with the girl's...perhaps i am asking rajiv along...and after that we are going shopping..we are eating at simpang bedok...if i can i'll let you see the pictures..or newton..we are going there to celebrate sah's b'dae..happy b'dae girl!!!well...this coming 7 nov is my darling brother's b'dae..hmm..what to buy what to buy...well...will get back to you ya?well..going to meet ma baby boy now and then going to go study and break fast outside...hmm...where where....life is full of questions...

Sunday, October 3, 2004

well.

the most funniest thing happened...sam and amirah have friendster accounts so i added them lah...just for fun..i mean no hard feelings..i am happier now anyway...si msged sam and i said...wah dah lama tak jumpa..lesap kappa...takkan takut siak...and you know what...fuckakaka...AMIRAH msged msge back that she does not like the language i am using with her GUY...bwuahahaha...nak terberak sak kat sana..talk about space...welll...did not know it was amirah's account...bwuahahaha..well..i just thought you know..let's not throw away the relatinship like that and let's become friends...so not need to become so protective...gelak gelak..macam nak terkentut...k k let's stop here...guess what i finished my poa...dun noe why i suddenly have the studying mood now.. o'level's is in 4 weeks time man..then i can party all night and DAY!!! all the curfews would be lifted so hello...*sniff*freedom and money...woohoo...today i had a talk with baby and he said that meeting everyday would eventually lead to the failure of this relationship...good point there...in a relationship we must not compromise ourselves...with him this was what i learnt..i am so contented being with him..i love him so much and do not want to be with anyone else..hahah..mushy..siak..well..i can say out my feelings...it is shamikha blogspot..can't believe i am still using this name..i think it is a nice name but it is not because of him aite? bwuhahaha..PLEASE.!!!