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Sunday, October 30, 2005

Well, lost someone dear. Very dear. But do not want to talk about it.
Cause instead of feeling infuriarated, i feel that it is such a waste.
Something so trivial being blown out of proportion.
But i ain't gonna talk about it. Unfair, i realised. You can't just spoil someone's name like that.
So i won't. Period. Gonna let it slide. But if girls politics happen, i would really have no dream of becoming PAP so, i'll just skip out.

Got the green light to start with my room. Can't wait. Went Geylang yesterday and instead of scouting for Burger Ramly's and Deng Deng, i was scouting for home decoration. Fucking nice rug that looked 100+ was only 50. Getting money so gonna go shop now. Fingers crossed.

Going job-hunting tomorrow. Hopefull. Another finger crossed.
Entangled fingers.
Bib's coming over here later. So is Dell.

Thought we would last
Is this bye bye to the group we loved?
TOTs over?
stay tuned.

Tak boleh lah macam ni, nak ambik gambar dari fi nya blog kener ' go home let ur mother slap'.

Well, everything has been a rollercoaster. I am already permanently living in Yishun.
Its okay. Me and hani have ben going through ideas to decorate my room. We have been going through ideas like gothic, retro, mod, white, purple, or just plain cosy. And yes, hani, i am going to have beanbag chairs just for you. A lil corner where there is going to be a to-die-for(even ur wallet) rug, bean bags. Candles. Aromatheraphy. and a dim light.
Sorry hani, no graffiti here.

Went to hideout yesterday night. Inspired the look fer room. you should go... that's how i want it to be. damn! i should have had a camera. Then headed down to Tikki Bar where there was nobody but since that idiot used to spin there, he was kindly doing his own sweet thing( he spins great, seriously) while i was playing pool, correction, if i had a chance that is. One ball is all he needs. Fucker. Being in Yishun is really a difference but i am not gonna change much.

Still gonna meet the tots. That is fer sure.

Gotta find a job. Soon. And shy-n, yes,ur mailboxis so irritating!!!!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Sometimes...when you walk and walk along a straight road, people walk with you. When there are other junctions, you realise that moe and more people would leave you and go through their own path of life. After walking for too long and the journey, people get tired and would much rather part with you to rest and allow you to go. You continue the ominous looking road unaware of any imminent danger or try to feighn ignorance that there lurks demons along the way be it within yourself, the demon that tell you to stop, to give up, to give in, to cave in to the majority, to just follow the people. That tell you you are not even worth it.
Life is not a waste if after your soles are all burnt due to the friction, you look around and still smile to somebody and say thanks. What matters is the person who strived with you.

But how do you differentiate them? And how do you get them? Appreciation is important. Be it family, friends and also relationship. You dun appreciate anyone, you dun get any. Simple as that. Sorry Narin, you tried.

Image

Image lies in not just the way you think, it is the way you approach people( the first 5 mins counts), the clothes you wear, your achievements, your dollars, and most importantly your movements.
Someone taught me that my movements is all mixed-up. Too artificial. too blind. A mixture of myself and some ammendments should be made. Be urself and you better coop urself up in a room. Be yourself to people who deserve it. different POVs needed. But i still wonder who am i?
Till then..i'll coop myself up in my room.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Hell breaks loose.

I failed my JC1 and i am confident i cannot enter J2. So my other alternative is poly. Another one would also be private which is too expensive and also not recognised.

I can't wait! This was what i wanted all through this year.

But....

A huge BUT.

I will miss what i build this year. I wil miss sneaking out of the school during lunch with aizat to go and smoke. I will miss apple and her energy and irritatingly loud yet adorable laughter. I will miss ila's blurness and her enthusiasm. I will miss Zira and her girlish charms and pink cheeks which she keeps pinching. I will miss Rachel and our 'cabot'-ing days.
But what i will miss worse of all is Syarifah. Ugh! Will miss her punches which are getting harder and harder day by day. But i won't lose contact with them. That is for sure.

A new life unfolds.

By march next year, i am going to shift to Yishun forever, leaving my adopted mother alone. Something that hurts much more than jumping in the sea after you are covered in wounds. I am going to have my own room, life of luxury and a friends int he house.
But i am going to lose some of my freedom and i have to hurt my adopted mum. Life's not fair but i am not going to let her feel that she is forgotten. Never.

Now, i got to find work and am fucking gonna die my hair. Fuck.

Narin and me are going kinda well. We are getting along more and more like friends.
See where it goes lah eh.
Met Dina yest and we went to play pool at lucky and watched Deuce Bigalow. Hillarious like fuck.
But kinda...errm..makes no sense at all. I think that is how it is supposed to be. Weird, me and Dina got along like friends not like the explosive chemistry last time. But good also ah.

I wanna club. So bad! Dina went Thumpers yest. Fuck! fucking not fair!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I was playing around. The key word here? Was.
I confide.
Just because of that, dun think lowly of me. i am still the same shit.
If you hurt someone, say sorry. Not i dun care.
I am one of your closest friend. Thanks ah.
It matters. What you say matters k?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Listening to: Switch

Puasa? What happened to the feeling. Now, it just feels like an diet havoc.
Hari Raya better be better. Get it?

Colour of the year. Purple, white and black-gold.

Yupz. kiasu.

I know Narin is a jerk but i am bored. Oh well. I know what i am doing. Dun wori.

Went to school today.
Then went back home. Broke but was scared to meet my mum cause the whole family is crazy now. I was so supposed to get 50 bucks. Damn! oh well, tomorrow.
Went to Bedok with fi, hani, ys and bib. Confident Bedok Corner padahal Simpang Bedok. Whatever eh fi! kecohrism. Salesperson again? i'll try fer you fi....*blush

Been at home. All day yesterday. *ugh

Supposed to meet shy-n and Sha fer some Porn on the beach*snigger* but that was off cause sha could not wait and headed to Geylang. Haiz.

Supposed to meet Goofy and Shappal at Bermuda's Triangle but even that was a flop solely because i knew they were going to drink and i just dun feel like it.

Supposed to go club with rajiv and friends but the thought of the mean taxi driver stealing my money changed my mind.

Supposed to sleep but did not feel like it.

Supposed to go Johor with David but no passport.

So many plans, then why the fuck was i at home all the was counting how many adverts there are uring a commercial break?

Went pavillion at bloody 1.30 am. *brr..it was kinda silent. too silent.

Whatever.Bye.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I allow all of you people to start laughing in my face. seriously all of you.
Ashraff's height ends at my shoulder.

*deafening silence.
*Roars of laughter.

*Zulaikha stands still with her head down while eveyone points their finger and laugh at me.

Sometimes, when you hang around with people who are way up there in terms of qualifications and attitude and you possess a moderately strong confidence level, you tend to pull yourself as you realise comparatively, you dun have much to offer yet. Because of this, people who know me like the tots, jc friends, shyanne, ilie would be suprised to see how Zulaikha changes when confronted by these guys. She practically melts into a pool of goo and allows guys to treat her like shit.

The thing that made me realise this is how Narin the other guy started treating me. Listen to this and see how your blood boil.
He calls you at 6am an asks you to come over to his place. Despite only having a few hours of sleep, you went, reaching his place at eight. And he did not even wait for you, locking his room door and locking you out of his room for half an hour and later opening the door wihout a sorry. and leaving me alone while he sleeps all the way till 12. After which, he woke up and realised that his sister-in-law is coming back which means that,i had to get out of his house-fast!
So, plans were changed and i was to meet him at 3 in Tampines to see a movie. So i waited.
And waited and waited till 5, so i went back.
And he calls me at 8 with no sense of urgency and regret in the nuances in the words he speak.
So, i decided. Thank god i was patient and assessed him before hoping. Well, i deserve better.
But i don't want any relationship now. i have not much to offer. hear this.

"Hi, i am Zulaikha. I contradict myself, sometimes get scarily hyper-active. dun have much control in my life yet. Would not have time for you and in jc1 with slim chance of making it through. Would you be with me?" Please!

Oh well, but i would still date but i have a lot to catch up in the girl world. ugh! Zulaikha-exam mode is as fun as watching a goldfish looking at you.

Me and Sha was talking about the next girl's night out. Hopefully wit Shy-n, Fi, Ilie, me and Sha. The more the merrier. agree girls?

High time i get my life back.

Seven things that scare me:
God
Rats
being a nobody
People who can manipulate me and read me too well
Lonliness
Being a failure in life
Clowns

Seven things that I like most:
Laughter
Contentment and appreciation
Being rich
Shopping
Entertaining(dancing)
Acceptance for who i am
Pictures

Seven most important things in my room:
My mum(i share my room with my mum and my sis)
My computer
My eyeliner
My handphone
My MP3
My hairband(i dun have much things in my room)
My wardrobe

Seven random facts about me:
I'm disorganized
i dun like obligations
My friends are my life
Rather materialistic if i dun care about that person.
I contradict myself shamelessly
Extreme personalities. Serious yet could be too goofy.
Talented

Seven things I can do:
Enlarge my nostrils
Dance
Make you happy
Flex my biceps(i do have them!)
Have sex powerpuff style
Make you forget the existence of alchohol
break your heart if you mess with me

Seven things I can't do:
Have abs
Say no to people who negotiate
Talk sense for more than 2 hours
Stand people with no direction in life
Get fairer
Leave my friends or family
Seduce Mr Bean

Seven words I say the most:
Fuck
Shit
Knn Cbb
Then
EEEEEEEEWWWWWW! (really loud)
ugh! i am so cute
You know what?(complete with a blonde bimbo accent)

Seven celebrity crushes:
Shah Rukh Khan
Bon Jovi.
Arjun Rampal
Lee Kuan Yew(grr!!)
Chad Michael Murray
Robbie Williams
Michael Jackson( so what if heas has a nose that doesn't resemble one?)

Seven people I would like to this:
Rohani
Nysa
Zira
And the rest have done 'em

Yup, it is spot on alright!

Zulaikha

You have enormous vitality and originality making you a dynamic individual with great charm and sex appeal. You believe in putting one hundred per cent into all your activities of which there are many. You have potential to achieve great success in business or public affairs where your friendship and consideration of others wins you many allies. Your innate strength and determined effort is able to overcome any obstacles. Freedom is important to you.

Damn! that is just plain scary!
Ugh! i am just so cute! Bwuahaha.

What?

Saturday, October 8, 2005

go0od afternoon all you beautiful people.

I still dunnoe who to pick but well, i am going to meet Ashraf later on. But before all you tots start asking Momo's bouncer to start hitting me on the head cause i am not going to Momo's later on, i am going to meet him under my block for awhile and hitting the books again.. Economics lah babes. Understand Understood k?

Today has been a lazy day for me with narin calling me at 9 am and talking to him untill 12.. Suddenly that fella like good mood only. Whatever lah.

Well, that is about it. bye.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Sorry for the long absence i have subjected you guys to. Not that anyone cares and if you do then do not..i repeat do not forget to tag. i am blogging half-heartedly cause i find my blog so fucked up. Wait ah.

So well, was in Yishun all the way from Monday till Friday this week with only my brother to release my tantrums, my euphoria, my tears and everything. I felt like such a loser. Like a lone ranger. Well, my mum is still crazy but me and my bro have decided one thing. Fuck. Now we are doing this for ourselves. Finally.

I know there is a big possibility that everyone is going to go tsk tsk after this but guess what i have two self confessed boyfriends. Man..now blogging again hae made me realised how much you guys missed.

Okay, i will let you guys catch up with me and my dating spree aites? Then we will move on to the more serious stuff. K, remember Ash, the guy who came from Australia? So he came here supposedly only for two days. So yep, we went out, shopped. then talked, went to Desire where we met Shy-n and Sha..Grr!! wanted to work but oh well..the place was boring so we headed back. I got the True Star perfume. OMG! got reminded of the days i worked as a sales promoter selling that. After that, went into a barrade of excuses of why i cannot be with him and well, he was stuck, he did not want to go home for 5 days, all of which he spent alone cause i was freaked out at how serious he was. Whatever.

Then i met this guy named Narin at Gotham. He is so freaking rude that i was intrigued by him, i dunnoe why. He was intrigued that i was rude. Well, cut the story short, i thought he was a playboy who was out to get me but there came a point of time that i was so mad at him for something he did not do and i did not know how much it affected him so untill he called me at 6 am the next morning shouting and yelling( he always shouts on the phone without him realising it) at how much he loves me. Those who really know me would know that i freak out whenever someone tell me he loves me so i was. But well, he took it that i said yes when i did not say anything and you now the whole sweet promises about treating me like a princess. We will see.

It doesn't help that at 2am the same morning, this guy named Ashraff Khan, who i got to know and starting to admire also asked me to be his. He is so smart i tell you. Actually it started out as an interview to work as a cabin crew in Emirates, he interviewed me and then we clicked. Believe it or not. And he also took it that i said yes. What am i supposed to do?

haha. oh well.dun worry i am now laying down my cards and see what they have to offer. i will dispense with one, two-timing is just not my thing.

Well, School is now coming to an end.Your head! Exams just started. Malay was okay. Gp was moderately challenging. I got a irregularity report for my late assignment in Project Work, one of the most important examinations to go to the Uni. I still got two more chances before i get barred. Writing Report and also my Insights and Reflection assignment.
I am going to give up on maths, for now, untill i get into J2 and this means that when people are working and having fun, i have to discipline myself to finish one year of maths. No problem as long as you get me in freaking J2. I am freaking out i tell you. Got to get my head cleared and not worry about anything for one more week except for one more sinful pleasure. The tots are going to Club Momo tomorrow to see our kental Nys strut her stuff on stage once more.

Oh and one more thing..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR STUPID IRRITATINGLY FUNNY FITOT!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! We have a suprise..*evil laughs*