What have I been doing? School. Home. Clubbing with the folks, out with the brother.

After his phonecall that day, I could not bring myself to date. I really thought we were going till the end. After the separation, there are things I wished I had done differently but there are just some things and reasons that is going to stay in my heart. There are just some things I tried telling you but would u stop and look into my eyes? Can you read what's in them? Do you see you? Yes, that was the only thing that stopped me, you. The fact that I knew who you were, adored who you were stopped me. From what? Nvm.

Blinders, blinders, these blinders are off. Off to see flowers instead of plants, to see shapes instead of mere clouds, to see reason instead of excuses. To see independence instead on fear. To see romance instead of compromise.

To be me and not be afraid of it.

And with that, i freeze this heart. Till it's filled with cynism just like how it was, stone. To not allow anybody who tries to be something else with me, to not bend or be weak. To be heartless but real. I need to focus on priorities and they are not frivolous fun. And one day, i shall allow myself to be held and loved again but right now, no, no, not right now. For awhile.

i promise i would blog happier soon. I am happy actually but I do not know why I keep writing sad stuff. I might be moving to Livejournal so that i can lock certain entries. There are just some things I do not want people to know.