It is like the next played game after counterstrike or something. Me? Recently, I have been a terrible addict of Winning Eleven. I know, I know, I was never an advocate for PSP, Xbox or Playstation games.

Oh, don't look at me like that.

There has been so many things I want to say out, so many pictures I could have taken but I didn't, because I knew that it would be awhile till I can actually edit and upload and all that shit.

Hell, I don't even have time to think.

It feels like suddenly, I am left on my own, just getting by when everyone just acts like nothing had happened. I don't know if I should feel relieved that they are acting indifferent or whether I should feel anything at all. Suddenly, the chains are lifted and the ball's in my court. And the first instinct is to go wild just like a caged animal but the weird thing is, I find myself calculating each step slowly and carefully and sometimes the solutions come by a lil abruptly and that usually gets Regan a lil peeved off trying to keep up with my calculations.

I remember battling with my greatest fear two years ago. If I remember correctly, it was a few months after I shifted to Yishun. I fought my fear of solitude, actually, I overcame it so much, it had another effect on me which was I started to dwell in it. I remeber dwelling in it for three months straight, it got all my loved ones peeved off at me because I found my four walls safe but not comforting. No SIREE, not comforting at all. But safe, stable.

And I thought to myself, what a change I have been through. I remember when I had only me to take care of. And I hated the thought of someone getting so close to me. I hated relationships, doubted family. I remember walking all around Singapore with nowhere to go but happy. And after thinking about all this, it dawned upon me that the reason I am always so angry, so unhappy with the way things go was because I keep allowing the past to catch up on me. And I pine for the past so much, I do not allow anything else to take the throne of memories. But now, I am going to fade away all the faces of the past so I don't have anything to compare the present with. And with that, I am going to thank the Guy up in the Heavens for what he is giving me instead of getting angry because he took away what he gave me.

And so with that as a shield to help me with this next fear I have, I believe it is easier. I am now going to fight negativity. Not so much to make it disappear(as if that is possible*roll eyes*) but I am not going to allow negativity to consume me anymore. No more guilt for everything I do, no more worrying about what people think anymore.

I am sorry to bore all you people for fear that this is starting to sound like those inspirational movies that gets you all hyped up about life the next fifteen minutes after the movie ends. But this is my blog anyway.

Off to the gym I go now.

Not that it is long time, considering the fact that there are gazillions of them to come.=))

*fingers crossed*