You know you are hopeless when u blog twice within one day. But I can't help it. Today is a freaking Friday for goodness' sake. I really dun feel like doing anything work-ish. But i know i cannot just sit my ass in front of the computer and not do anything. The best thing is, there are a few things i could clear up today..but.. i just dun feel like it. Ya ya, i am gonna go head and do it soon lah.

I seriously cannot wait for school to start balls. With the practise i had working, i dun even think 8 o'clock lectures are difficult anymore. Especially since i won't have to spend 30 FREAKING minutes every day to do my hair. You know what 30 minutes means to me in the morning? Just dying to hit the damn snooze button but i can't do it because,why? I got to blowdry my stupid hair, if it was a trend, i won't hesistate to cut my hair all off. Provided i lose like 5 kg or something.

I think i exercised a lot of self-discipline yesterday. Eventhough i was very very sleepy, i still managed to download songs in MY IPOD,do the laundry and clean my room a lil bit before going to sleep.Plus, i have been very disciplined about my carb intake as well, not inclusive of the french fries i had just now. I'll pat myself on the back but i have to pretend to look extremely busy so my hands are full. Just gave my timesheet for my boss to sign. He just glanced at it and signed. Blardie hell, i could have added a few hours here and there. Too bad i got another pain-in-the-ass supervisor here who knows me better than all the other people working here. Worse part is, he is my boyfriend and he is a proud member of the 'Honesty's the best policy' Association. Bah.

I can't believe it's only 4.40. Tick tock tick tock tick tock..yawwn.
I think i should just get my ass up to do something. Ya, that sounds good. No, actually it doesn't but if i remain sitting here another minute, my ass would just turn into ice or something.

But i just can't seem to stop typing. U know, have you wondered why cynics become cynics? Is it due to the fact that the world has already shown them that believing in anything that these cynics deem to be unattainabble can cause serious disappointment and shock and that the recovery was too excruciating to even think about having hope that whatever variable it was actually could happen or exist?

One good example is love but i am not going there because i wanna get to another more important word, forever.
adj.without ever ending; eternally: always, endlessly,eternally, unchangingly

Let's mix these two words together. I'll use a phrase,'I'll love you forever'.
In this argument,young minahs and ah lians who go around saying i love u to everyone are not included because they dun realise that guys dun think twice of whispering sweet nothings just so they could get young pussy which explains why they also use their words flippantly.
I am talking about people who take pride in being themselves and are going for something more than just a good fuck. More than intoxicated one-night stands.

I truly believe that the ultimate love is God's love for you. In which case, Regan agrees.
Second to this is the love for yourself. Here, some might argue that the second should be ur mum.
Sorry to say, i have not much faith in family ties. I might substitute this with my brother though since he was a dad and a mum to me, the best way he knew how. So ok, love for family comes close to loving urself. The way my family works, you dun love urself,u do stupid things, u are pretty much nothing in their eyes. So yeah.

Anyway, love between man and woman is by far the most sacred and beautiful of them all next to the two mentioned above.
See, for me, i dun believe in love having definitions. For him, love has a definition.
But let's forget about him now for a moment and out of the mindset that i am just saying this because i am in a relationship. This is just me talking.

Having a definition about love is like having a definition about God. U can never be sure unless u see. Some people view religion as the Voice Within, some call it Mother Nature(like,literally, the plants,the environment), some depend on history, some don't believe in God at all.
But who we kidding? (I am talking about love now).It's there or not, there would still be this thing, this force, these questions people are asking to explain it. But u can't.
Because it varies for everybody. And even then, it varies at every stage of your life.

Getting back to the loving urself, find yourself. So that anybody who actually do fall in love with you (sweet demure girl) won't get a shock of his life (Scary Spice). When u fall in love with somebody, u admire his quirks, his core values, the way he treats people..yadaa yadaa.

Moms always say,'You are too young to know what's love' What crap nonsense is that? Just because now u have been hurt before, have some bills to pay and a thousand pound of stress on ur head, you know? i say, Love differs.

At 9, you love the boy who always give you ice creams at the playground. You think he gives them to everyone but u are certain he looked at you a lil longer than usual each time.
At 13, you love the way the guy broods and sulk at everyone else but turns into a whole mush with you. He acts all punk but goes to the market with his mum.
At 20, you begin to be more secure, you love how he inspires you to upgrade yourself. How he taps into ur lil girl side yet commands a certain degree of independence. You love how he manages to stick to his principles no matter what. How he remains grounded.
At 30, you love the person who gives you security. A companion. Suddenly the wrinkles make him look a lil bit cuter,if possible.
At 40, you love him because he's ur best friend. You sometimes can't bear to see him because he makes u sooo angry but u can't imagine life without him.
And at 50,you just stop thinking to yourself whether it's love or not and just appreciate.

This is one of my many kinds of love. Believe me, there are lots. Love is permanent. Even if u are not with that person anymore. The evidence that u once loved a person is when u say her or his name you flinch or smile because they are gonna be remembered for a verrrry long time. Whther u flinch or not, dun make it a lesson to never love again. Because there is a possibility, the next time u would smile. It's okay to not say it, just dun not feel it.
I believe in love. After years of hating it, i admit, i am only brave enough to admit it now.