Have you ever had a wound and then jumped into the sea and it stung so bad, it made you flinch and hiss with fury?

I feel like i have open gaps of wounds all over my body and i got stranded in the sea.
I struggled and cursed and first.
I paddled furiously, willing to carry on, stop the pain, make a difference to where i am, to change how i am feeling.
And then.............................
After a while, you just get exhausted. You just dun feel like paddling anymore. Your body gets too numb to differentiate pain and pleasure.
You just dun want to move. You lift your head and stare at the stinging heat radiating from the sun. And you sigh a sigh of defeat. You turn to look at the calm blue of the sky instead. You say a quiet prayer that only you and the surface of the sea could hear. You tilt your head and decide to let the waves hurl you to wherever he wants.

The only reason i still want to paddle is because i know that there is so much more to me that i could do. So much more memories that i could leave behind to mark my existence in this beautiful life. But it just gets so exhausting sometimes.

Especially when ur family just treats you like a little girl with overgrown boobs. I feel like shaking things up. I feel like breaking this up.

It is like a beautiful picture made of very bad paint. No matter how much you try to preserve the beauty, you know you never can because all the ingredients, every part of the painting is bad. Except for the painter's objective which is to please the eye. Just a way to make life less of a prick.
But it is more than what u want to potray because you can't paint a pretty picture if ur world ain't that pretty.

What i am appreciative for though is the colours that seems to seep its way into my life now.*smiles. I think without him, i would have gone to my past all over again. I guess someone up there really loves me.

I feel like i am living in two different lives. It's like my alter-ego.
So much of everything in me.
So much of emotions in me, of so many extremes.
So much love for me to give but i remain guarded, so much of anger i wanna let out, so much happiness begging me to just go ballistic,so much sadness yet i am afraid of floods.
Why must life be all about keeping it in? Why is it that when you just want to love everything you come in contact, cynics or, realists tells you not to because u will burn yourself. Why is it that when you just feel like releasing your anger, people tend to think that you are not on top of yourself when really you are the only one who really is on top of herself.
When you show too much happiness, pessimists look at you with contempt.When you cry, people think u are weak.
Is it true? I understand that it gets a lil freaky if you are too extreme all the time but when times like this comes around, when you feel like you are a walking time bomb of emotions, can we just stop judging people who are brave enough to do what they need to do to be sane.
It irritates me.
I also do not mean that you should cry 24/7 or kill someone by releasing your anger or get so drunk and fuck everyone you meet because it is much easier to live life under the haze of alchohol.But life's not that simple. Not that easy.
I am ranting now and no one can stop me by tsk-tsking when you close this window. Because i am emotional. So sue me.