SCREAM!

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Monday, March 27, 2006

What a whirlwind.

I dun know what the fuck i am feeling.

I am sad and numb because of him. I am delirious because i just went to Sentosa and i am leaving for Genting soon. I am excited because I got the place for BUSINESS MANAGEMENT in NYP!!! And i am so angry at the drama my family is acting due to my spendrift behaviour and all the nagging. I am confused because i do not want Narin in my life yet i do.

So many feelings.

Wait,i just need to tell a special person this. Just hang on, Sha. Whatever it is, you can pull through it. I know I am not with you all the way but i do hope the best for you.

I am literally pissed off with my family. Not that it is not my fault, it is but still you know how irritating it is when you get lectured once and u already made a resolution that you would change and then another person comes and nags at you about it again but trying to get you to listen and change because they think that by them saying it, it would enter my brain more. And then,when you finally curse yourself for acting like how you did and swore never to do it agin, another person comes and tell you the exact same shit. Now, you just get damn pissed. And suddenly, the advices they give just go down the drain because you are just too pissed to even change right now and all of that just sounds and feels like nagging. Gosh! Good job.
The problem is that i spen too much. *sigh. And the thing that pisses them off even more is that i spend it on things that they can't see, like ciggies, clubbing and cab fare which is just spending stupidly. Yeah, okay, i got a plan to overcome that problem though. I am going to work in my mother's shop for two weeks befoe my school starts and then my problem is solved. My debts would be halved, my wadrobe would be better and my room would be done.

All i know is that I can't wait to go to school again. I can't wait to start saying that i have to go home early because i need to do homework. To start competing in studies again. It has been a long one year plus fer me. I did not even try to compete when i was in junior college. i am so excited. So much so that everything that is happening between me and Narin just doesn't affect me as much anymore. I do wonder why though, is it because of the fact that it is much better not to worry about things that freak me out like relationships and all the emotional battles and stupid stuff like insecurities that is so unnecessary in my life and to just go to another world and not worry about leaving the people in my past behind like Narin.

Went to Obar, phunk and Living room on Thursday with Fi and Sha and Narin. I guess it was kinda my fault that i did not make it clear to him that it was a ladies' nite out. It doesn't help that now, just the thought of another guy thinking of touching him turns him into a hopping mad lunatic. Well, i am sorry. Maybe all this is happening just because we have not been meeting often. I haven't been getting my dosage of him lately.

Being madly in love and being madly loved by someone is totally different. I think i am leaning more to the being madly loved.

Ugh, i dun know and i kinda dun feel like i dun want to know so much.

I wanna do something to my hair... i think i am going to keep it straight but i am going to highlight it. not at tNg. Maybe Kimage. Just like this.

will it look too minah?

Comments.

Pics from Sentosa are on the way.I loved it. All of it. Loved the stars, the boobs, the dirty jokes, the frisbee, the stupid game i keep losing, everything.

I can't wait for Genting.