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Sunday, January 15, 2006

I really don't understand why there are such things as Family Day Outings and such. Really.

I mean, u get family when you are at home and then you get it even when you go out?

I dun noe. Maybe when i am saying this, i have only the image of my family in my head.

Shifting to Yishun, i am kinda 'forced' in a way, to love my mum and dad just like my brother does which is really unfair, isn't it? I mean, like, you just snatched me from my home and then just force this ' you must love your family' obligation to me. Hear this, i dun love you guys. Really. I just have a mild sense of tolerance towards you, especially u, mum. I dun give a half fuck about you and how we are burdens, and how you chose the wrong turn in your life. That is your mistake as an individual. Do not dump all that emotional baggage to me.

I have enough shit with me getting my life and emotions stabilize. I have heard 5 people so far that have told me the exact same phrase,"You think too much".Do i really?

I know that that may be one of the reason that i can get along well or even, staying with Ab for. He is the only one that can, like, follow my sequence of thoughts and also unleash me to a whole new level of his thinking, which i am not sure is higher or lower, and who am i to judge anyway how is his level of thinking is *duh. I really thought i dun think too much. Maybe this is why i can't sleep well at night. I think i overanalyse too much and i also assume things that is seems to purposely inflict self-hurt to myself and the fucked up thing is that it is all in my subconscious which means it is embedded in my second nature and that is much more difficult to alter and change. Sometimes, i think(there you go again..) that i should just be more out there. More busy, more caught up with things and still try hard to keep my fear of solitude under control.

I think i have to also stop posting things about my love life that much because that is a colourful topic by itself with my neverending fickleness and also i have to analyse(haiz..) their characteristics and behaviour a lil more before i even try to decide if i might want to take the plunge of being serious with anybody.

As far as how my social life goes, now is the time that needs not much posts to cover it, numsayin? well, i really need to find myself and start putting words into actions.

and i feel have progressed in that area, being proactive.

Been jobless for 2 weeks now and i feel like a fucking bum. Thank god Ash got me an interview at Le Cairon, a wine bar near Scarlett. Have to go there tomorrow at one.

Meanwhile, i think i am going to be more techy-savvy due to the fact that i am going to have my computer in a while. (If only my brother did not disconnect the internet!) and then.. when CNY comes along, we'll be spring cleaning which means decoration of my room which has been postponed for so long. And also, i need to get the charger for the batt in my digicam and the USB cable as well. Who would have guessed the charger would cost a whopping $142. Blardie cibai.

Anyway, Met SYARIFAH and Ila on Fri, and treated them to Pizza Hut @ Causeway. Wished it would have been a longer experience but well, better than nothing, you know.

I wanna club so badly......sooo...baaaaadddlllyy....

Peace out..