SCREAM!

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Friday, January 27, 2006

I know i said that i needed some time to recuperate but my check-up is only tomorrow and there's nothing i can do now except cry and feel sorry for myself so, once again, i am going to toughen up and write about all the things i have had in my life so far that i find so grateful for. This might be overreacting but well, it is how i feel so, stuff it.

*To my godmum for leaving me with wonderful memories of my childhood.

*To my god family for introducing Islam to me.

*For having a godmum who cooks soup for me and stay awake with me when i am ill.

*For allowing me to be an academic elite all the way even w/o me trying.(kinda)

*for having a brother i hold dear to me

*for the blessing of my niece and nephew.

*for the TOTS.

At the top of my head, these are just some of the things. All this stupid suicidal talks and depressed chatter will end once my check up tomorrow at 10.3o ends. The doctor said it will hurt a lil bit. I really hope i dun cry. All i know and all that i am grateful for is the fact that Hani is going to be there. I dun know who else would love me as much as her. The fact that once she heard about it, she burst into tears first and cried with me. Bib too.and sha. Thanks.

I just hope that at this exact moment tomorrow, i would be full of smiles and laugh off all this trauma playing in my head.

My brother came by just now to pass me the cash for the check up. The fact that i asked him for the money, adding that i did not want to answer any questions and he just said ok,made me so touched, i cried all over again. To think that he selflessly gave it to me. All he said was, "u ok or not, idiot?" and i cried again.

Pls ya Allah, please do not punish me for my past. please let me go. please free me.