I don't know why He has so much tests for me in my life. I really do not know what i did wrong to deserve this much of shit.

I feel that no matter how many smiles i flash, how many jokes i crack, how many friends i make, it still cannot hide the sadness in my eyes.

One of my friends met up with me, after one hour later, he asked, " what happened to you? who took Zulaikha away?" i just smiled and looked away. If only i could tell u guys, if only i cud just cry on ur shoulder. If only i cud just throw my tough exterior and break down. Have someone that will hug me and just tell me that it is okay. Everything will be fine.

My life is going to change dramatically. I have a very ominous feeling about this. My father's dying. In a matter of a few months.Then i dun even know how we would get by. Why?
First, He gave me this road, another family, then all at once, mocks me by landing me in my own disgusting family only when a catastrophe is going to happen.

I dun understand. Can't i, for once, just lead a normal 17 year old's life?
i may have an illness as well. checking it out tomorrow.i am so scared. so scared.

Funny how you think you have many friends that will stay by u but when a real problem emerges, only a handful comes in ur mind and out of that handful, only a couple would really help you out.

Zulaikha is taking some time off from blogging to recuperate from this illness.