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Sunday, January 9, 2005
what the fuck lah eh

Well if it isn't hard enough when i try to close my eyes and forget about him. i dream about him. why can't he leave me alone. this hurts man.

Wanna know what i dreamt? i dreamt that i was with him at the mrt interchange and i was hugging him.

and the feeling... a wash of serenity and peace. like i belonged there in his arms. a feeling i wanted to feel real life but was not allowed to. i guess god still allowed me to feel it nevertheless.

well, i am feeling like a stranger and it hurts when you know that person so much and you gave so much then he morphs into somebody else.

i feel like i am trapped. i want to know what he feels. i care but i guess he does not want me to care. Everyone is telling me zul..forget him, if he does not want to care and be cared for, then you cannot force him. but i dunnoe. it hurts trying to pretend i dun care but i do. sometimes i almost believe it myself.

well. i guess i have to go on with this pretense. i wish i could tell everyone to fuck off and let me be with him but you know what, i dun think HE wants it anymore and i have to move on. i have to.god give me strenght.