What a whirlwind my life has been which explains why it has been freaking long since i actually blogged.

want to know a very unbelievable fact?i broke up with rajiv. yah. have been suicidal for some days now. i dunnoe what to do. it is not as if i broke up with him because we can't get along or because he bastard me but because he had to choose between his family and me and we broke up because his family cannot tahan the fact that i am an islam and because of that, his attitude really changed and he really thinks that it is the best solution. i did too. but dun drop such a huge bomb on me and expect me to be alright. of coourse i am not alright. my heart aches for his kisses which was brought to an abrupt halt. i mean like now he wants me to treat him like a friend. how is that motherfucking possible. he does not know how much i love him. and i told him i would never let him go but you know what he should not just say it and still meet me and expect me to be distant towards him. haiz.

Eventhough my life sucks now it suddenly seem to pick up. for example, last month i was approached by imodels and guess what? they gave me a call yesterday and i went for the interview today and i have a motherfucking photoshoot to go to tomolo after my werk.how the fuck is that possible? hee hee

but you know what when they say happy NEW year. they really meant new. i mean, i hope i would not be single because i still want him to be with me. fuck. i do not want someone i love to leave me just because of my religion and no way am i going to change my religion. well,he told me he is going to make a decision and you know what? i dun feel good about it. haiz. pls baby dun leave me. pls.*sob