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Friday, November 26, 2004

boredomnified or sumting like that.

oh my gosh i am bored to the core. i have nothing to do man.I think if not for this whole hari raya thing i could be earning money by now.

But i think by next week my quest of getting a job would begin. the options are either at holiday inn banquet, airport or a country club. hm...i want to smell the money.

Let me tell you a secret man, me, my mum and my sis are planning to elope from here.

it sux here. people treat you like maids here. No one cares about you, there is no such things as love or understanding. i don't know about them but if they dun, then i would run away from home man. i swear to god but i know if i were to run away from here, my mum would be so bloody worried. So i begged her to rent out a place, i dun care how big, what matters is that finally i can have a house i can call home. Finally my heart dun dread going home. People can make fun and say that i dun have a house is it, because i keep going to other people's house but if they know what goes on here, i think they would feel what i feel. There is a bad point also, if that happens then i cannot stop werking all the way. i have to be the sole breadwinner of the family and my 16 year old mind cannot seem to handle this responsibility. Sometimes i see some families and i begin to feel hatred for them. why are they so lucky, they have no worries, no reason for escape, one day i would have my own family and i would be the kind of mum every kid dreams of. haiz.

Rajiv called me down yesterday to talk to me on whether i should go to jc or poly. He is seriously leaning towards the idea of me going to jc. He says it is like a waste if i were to go to poly because if i were to go jc then i just need to bust my ass for 2 years and you can go further. But it is difficult to be the cream of the crop for poly. so perhaps i would open the option of going jc again.

i dunnoe, suddenly there is so many things you have to do. I am really scared i cannot shoulder the responsibility of you know, paying for the bills and stuff. I am terrified. But i believe god will help me.