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Tuesday, October 19, 2004
the hell's finally over man..!

well...today is a day that i thought was the beginning of the end man.. k k..let's start form the beginning of the dae,aitez? first of today i started studying with shatot at under the block untill aroung 3 am..but before that was the part that was historical for me siah..okay, first i met baby with the hope that at least i can spend some time with him lah eh then he kinda just talked to his friend..i mean i dun mind lah but we just fought so i thot common sense would tell him that i wanted to kinda be alone with him but he made plans to go to gab's house to play games. i did not know what to say so i sat one corner away form him and started crying. then i plucked up all my courage to tell him that i wanted to talk to him, so i said okay. i went down and saw that gabriel was also there so i was like UH-OH..dun tell me gab told rajiv what i told him..sure enuff ah..i was so scared.. but we talked it out lah, finally we saw that our relationship was not going to get better if we were to just keep what we feel to ourselves.

After the big talk i went back to aisha to start studying and at 12 i wished her a joyous birthday. we went back to her house and ate 'sahur'. Then we slept. i was feeling so happy then mentally, religiously and emotionally. so we went to simpang bedok to eat. I had to go home early which was kinda good so i could have a heart to heart talk with him alone. He told me that all of this was just a bad spell and it is no use if we wanted to end the whole thing knowing that we feel so strongly about one another.

It amazes me how he can talk so freely about what he feels. and i love that it is not only me trying but he tries to. We decided that we must learn to prioritise and that we must not spend so much time apart as it will eventually make us more distant. he told me that he is back and when he familiarly cuddled me in his arms just now, i almost sighed with relief knowing that the person i knew still existed is back! well...what can i say i am so emotional. Just now when we went to bedok and i met bib and hani i realised how much i missed them. i think i want to be with them more often too. guess what? i got my money..Whoppee! well...all of it goes to my bank and bill..gotta save man. fitot's my motivation for saving..well...that's it! fuck, i missed america's new top model! such an asshole!whatever!